Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The full weekend I had last week enabled me to join my ac and my former jc squash peeps for a game at ngee ann poly. It's a sucky feeling to be in camp on a weekend but it's not to say I'm not used to it. However, to receive a sms from gerald saying that there's a squash game going on with so many people attending and I'm missing it! The feeling just sucks to the core. I don't think I was the player I once were last time after seeing my performance. I lacked the aggression I used to have and to think I can even lose to a sec 3 barker boy whose game I found no difference to zi xuan. A guy in my jc last time who used to whack the ball blindly with all the strength he had, practically a no-brainer guy. He eventually left for poly because he got retained in jc1. There's nothing I can do about my lack of playing time now, just hoping to clear some of my 14 days of leave on weekends so I can play more. Eventually, all this army shit will end and a resumption to my civilian life.
Met up with Nemo and yj for dinner at kovan where me and yj had nasi lemak. Nemo has decided to start on his weight-loss regime on which food consumption was kept to a bare minimum. I think I've found another friend like yj who likes walking, not just walking but walking to places where there's good food. I've mentioned before how my friends found it tiring to go out with me because I prefer to walk instead of taking transport whenever it's possible. Pek will always complain I'll walk from borders to far east plaza and back again just because I couldn't decide on which book to buy. Me, nemo and yj walked one station from kovan to hougang after our dinner because we probably found it a good way to digest our food and the weather was pretty cool as well. My mother even thought I was nuts to walk from bt timah to my house in bt batok. That's probably why I never complained about my route marches back in bmt.
The walk from kovan to hougang enabled me to figure out how far my uncle's place is to yj's house. It's quite a walk I must say but it's still attainable. So much changes have taken place at kovan ever since the last time I've been there, around 1 year plus. I didn't even know it's called heartland mall now but the hawker stalls still remain and the sight of them still lingers in my mind. I'll always remember how when I was still a young boy, I will always follow my parents along to visit my uncle who's a bachelor. We'll stop by what is known as heartland mall now to buy some groceries and other stuff before going on to his place. Maybe I should thank yj for helping me to rediscover my "roots" if you readers get what I mean. It makes me a feel a bit guilty that I've not been back to visit him for quite some time. It's quite sad that it takes a friend who lives in hougang to remind me of this fact. Excuses like the lack of time are just nonsense.
I think army is starting to take its toll on yj like how it did to me in the first quarter of this year. Whenver zheng shen takes leave and yj is left to mount night duty alone, I'm begining to see how tough it gets for him like this mount for instance. I don't think he gets the sufficient amount of sleep he needs in the daytime with all the noises. When yj preferred to sleep in so that he can get enough rest instead of dismounting with the rest of us, it showed how dead tired he was. Even my pc commented on that. I think it helps that I don't need alot of sleep at night, friends to keep me awake whenever they sms me at night and the need to type out the next day's detailing etc . I'll try my best to keep yj company in giro until I can't take it anymore and off to the bunk I go to venture into dreamland.
I can say that a close bunch of my shiftmates like hock leong and nemo together with me never refuse yj whenever he needed help or volunteers to do anything. Take for example the recent detailing where alvin decided to make a big deal out of it. I'm lucky that the whole shift is against him and therefore handling him isn't much of a problem. I myself practically blew my whole top against alvin as well. I feel real bad whenever my actions put yj in a difficult spot. The fact that I insisted on using the detailing I planned because I don't bow to peer pressure from alvin and I've got a shiftmate doing 4-7, 7-8 as a result of the new detailing. Yj probably woke up after his nap to this nonsense and if I were him, I'll rather go back to bed. Sergeant leon and the rest of my shift supported my decision to use back the previous detailing because as a result of alvin's selfishness, ma, my shiftmate, will have to suffer.
I'm all right with the fact when people speak ill or backstab me because as long as I've not done anything wrong, I simply ignore them and their words. Reacting to their nonsense would have shown that they've won in provoking me. However, when I hear of people speaking ill of my close friends, I can't take it anymore. When alvin commented that hock leong's duties are slack, I would say "go fuck yourself" for saying that. Does he know that with all the driving that hock leong does in the day, he's as good as doing straight 9hrs if not 12 in the day. Even at night, he sometimes have to ferry my pc or spec to set up dummy rps for use the next morning.
It was probably a good thing I planned all my duties to be at delta2 this mount especially, the emplacement that most people hate but a few individuals like ma,nemo and me like. I know it's far and hot and the distance is far so what, it's not as if I've not walked there before when I first arrived as a newbie. Even till now whenever I've got morning duty at delta2, hock leong offers to fetch me there but I kindly refuse him because I could do with the morning walk and exercise, the walk wakes me up both physically and mentally. It's a good place to watch the planes take off and think about my life. People always ask me why I always plan myself to be at delta2 instead of letting the rest of the shift do their fair share. The answer is pretty simple. I like it and I honestly prefer it over python. All that air con is bad for health and time passes by so damn slow inside. People like michael and hock leong, they also prefer doing that dreaded 1-7am slot so I give it to them as well. It helps when your shiftmates enjoy doing some emplacements and slots and makes my job a whole lot easier.
I think it was also the first time my shift saw me blew my top in camp and I didn't want to. No point losing my temper over a jerk. The final straw was when he commented that my duties were slack and threatening my shift with his mcs. Fucking big coward who refused to admit what he said until we forced him to. It's ok whenever people like hock leong say my duties are slack because I do it to him and vice versa. It was purely all in the name of fun. For a fucker like alvin to mean it seriously, I'm taking it personally. I managed to cool down abit during my 3 hours at delta2. Yj saw me when I was sending arms and asked that I go outside to the smoking area to talk about things and clear my name that alvin was speaking ill about me but I refused him flatly because I was still a bit pissed off at alvin. However, after thinking about it and not wanting to put yj in a difficult spot, I agreed and went outside to talk things out with pc and the rest.
Maybe I should just follow yj's wishes - peace. Nothing I want more now is peace. Peace within the shift and peace within me. I don't want any trouble and problems.
